none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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