i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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