I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
