so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
