he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize