I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
