based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize