nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Houston, we have a squirter
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
