Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
