Your face is a jimmy john
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
