I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
