I faked an abortion last night.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My breasts were aching with rage.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
