i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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