Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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