Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
