my vag is so smooth its legendary
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize