Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
