is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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