When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
