Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
