apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
