Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
