How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
