i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
