please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I had to cum in my sink.
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