just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
