Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I look better un-naked...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
