Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
