It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
