I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
