Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
