She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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