Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
