So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
