Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
