yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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