she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
