It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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