never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize