i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
