don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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