woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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