I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
