whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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