yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
