I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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