i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize