I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
