and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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