i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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