I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
