yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
