its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
