before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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