just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
