I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
