I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
