Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
