Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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