Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
