i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
