NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
