i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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