He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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