not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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