if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
