Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
