Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize