You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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