He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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