I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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