I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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