I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
