k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
