k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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