help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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